The Morning After

I wake up to the sound of waves crashing against the shore outside of the window. I lift my head up and shield my eyes from the light that pours into the bedroom. The ocean breeze lightly teases the blinds as they softly billow into the room as though they were reaching to take me far away from this place. The soft, innocent scent of the salt air permeates my senses and wraps itself around me. The sound of seagulls crying out take my focus to you as you lay next to me, sleeping. I watch you and become engrossed in the slow and repetitive motion of your contoured frame moving up and down as oxygen enters and leaves your body. Your back is to me. You appear peaceful. The breeze whispers along your skin and kisses your face. I slowly drink your presence. As thoughts and memories and hopes and dreams crowd my mind I become intoxicated by you and all of your unpredictable possibilities. I ache, wanting so badly to touch you, but I don't, for fear of breaking the eerie sanctity of this moment. You move slightly. . .I watch you stretch. . .then scratch your nose. . .never breaking the pattern of your breathing. I want to kiss you.

Again, I hear the seagulls cry out as they race and chase each other across the clear blue sky and instantly I am jostled out of the subconscious of my daydream and am brought back to the reality of this situation. The placidity of this moment has almost tricked me into believing that all is right in my world. When really as I look down at your naked flesh I feel mocked by your tranquil disposition because all thoughts in my mind as I watch you are anything but. The demons in my mind taunt me and force me to watch you lay there so serenely while dramatic realism awakens me from my inebriated state. I wonder how I got to this place. Yearning for a drop of your love to sustain me until I get my next hit. I'm addicted to the sweet pain that stirs in my spirit as I long for the reciprocity of my affections for you.

You turn over and look at me with clouded eyes trying to focus on your first conscious encounter with the beginning of a new day. You smile at me. I smile back. You lean over and tuck my hair behind my ear . . . you lightly graze my face with the palm of your hand. . . . .you trace your fingers across my lips. You pull me against your chest and wrap your arms around me. You softly kiss the back of my neck. My mind clashes with the painful dichotomy of being so physically close to you yet simultaneously being the farthest away from you that I have ever been. I close my eyes and try to enjoy the moment. I silently pray that it will last forever. But the solitary tear that falls from my eye and splashes my arm suggests otherwise.