The Agony of Defeat

My stomach churns and my body quakes with trembles as I try to recover from this fevered state of schizophrenic confusion. My mind has been possessed by spirits that refuse to remove its stronghold over me. My mouth is as dry as drug store cotton and it hurts to swallow. My face is hot and my eyes are bloodshot and clouded with tears. I am nauseous, as the hallucinations dance in front of me on the walls of my room and float around me like apparitions in a carnival fun house. I feel like I am going insane. . . .the images mock and belittle me. They won’t leave me alone. My breathing is increasingly short and my body temperature is slowly rising. Drenched in sweat, I shudder from the freezing shocks of cold that pierce my body. My mind plays the soundtrack to the visions that I am having. I hear you whisper her name. . . .she laughs coyly. . . .and beckons you to her. My hands fly to my ears trying to block out the thundering sound of my mind at war with my senses. Insanity blankets me, like death. I continue to hear conversations. . . .between you. . . .and her. . . . . .I cringe and my body heaves. I shake my head furiously not wanting to believe what I am hearing or seeing. Your faint image walks up to me and gives me a kiss. But the pungent smell of her perfume reeks and invades my nostrils and smells as rancid as a dead carcass on the hot pavement. Your image soon leaves me and the bitter taste of loss builds in my stomach and lingers in the back of my throat. I slowly rock back and forth. . . .trying to get a hold of my senses. Trying to allow my erratic sensibilities to reach some sort of equilibrium. I whisper to myself softly, hoping to persuade my body to rebuke this fever.

The sickness that you left me in. . . . .

when you left me. . . .

for her. . . .